In case you missed the constant Instagram Stories about my RIP Twenties-themed funeral for my youth, aka my 30th birthday party, it’s approaching, and if there is anything I have learned in 30 years, it’s how to have a thrilling sex life.
Sexual thriving is about so much more than having more sex. It’s about feeling confident in your body, understanding your desires, communicating your needs and creating a sex life that genuinely makes you happy.
Whether you’re single, dating, in a long-term relationship or exploring a new side of yourself, these 30 tips can help you embrace your sexuality.
From me to you, here are 30 tricks and treats to thrive sexually.
Know that your sexual prime doesn’t exist; you can evolve until you die
No matter your age, it is never too late to try a new sex position, introduce toys, or explore your sexuality, etc.
A man will pleasure you for longer if you can perform the Gluck Gluck 9000
You stroke my back; I’ll stroke yours is very true when it comes to sex. You can read our how-to for giving a Gluck Gluck 9000 here.
Know your whole body like the back of your hand
I’m not just talking about how you like to masturbate, but where you like to be massaged, etc. Know every inch.
Create a sexual wish list
Write down fantasies, experiences you’re curious about, boundaries and things you already enjoy. There’s no pressure to act on everything; curiosity alone can teach you something.
Stop treating pleasure as a reward
You don’t have to achieve a particular weight, relationship status or level of confidence before you deserve to enjoy your sexuality.
Dress for your own desire
Lingerie, silk pyjamas, an oversized shirt or absolutely nothing at all: experiment with what makes you feel attractive, powerful or playful.
Educate yourself about sex
Learn about arousal, anatomy, orgasm, contraception and sexual health from reliable sources. Knowledge helps replace myths and unrealistic expectations with confidence.
Talk about sex outside the bedroom
Discuss likes, dislikes, boundaries and curiosities when you’re both relaxed. It can feel much easier than introducing a new topic in the middle of an intimate moment.
Learn to ask for what you want
Try phrases such as “I really like that” or “Could we try something different?” Clear, kind communication is sexier than expecting someone to read your mind.
Build anticipation
Flirt throughout the day, exchange affectionate messages or plan a date you’re both excited about. Anticipation can build connection before intimacy begins.
Make non-sexual intimacy a priority
Cuddling, kissing, holding hands and sharing vulnerable conversations can strengthen closeness without creating pressure for sex.
Stop chasing porn-perfect sex
Real sex can involve awkward pauses, unexpected noises, laughter and changing your mind. Pleasure doesn’t need to look cinematic to be worthwhile.
Slow everything down
Spend time kissing, touching and exploring sensations without rushing towards penetration or orgasm. There’s no stopwatch on pleasure.
Explore sex toys if you’re curious
Vibrators and other body-safe toys can offer new sensations during solo or partnered sex.
Change your surroundings
Try different lighting, music, fresh bedding or a romantic night away. A change of environment can help interrupt routine and make intimacy feel more intentional.
Discover what turns you on mentally
For some people, desire is influenced by flirting, fantasy, emotional closeness, novelty or feeling appreciated. Explore your own triggers without assuming everyone responds the same way.
Explore fantasy without pressure
Reading erotic fiction, discussing a shared fantasy or using imaginative roleplay may help you discover what excites you. Fantasies don’t have to become real-life experiences.
Prioritise sleep
Exhaustion, stress and irregular sleep can affect libido, mood and arousal. Rest is part of looking after your sexual wellbeing, too.
Move your body regularly
Walking, dancing, strength training, or another activity you enjoy can support mood, energy, and cardiovascular health, all of which can contribute to sexual wellbeing.
Get comfortable with lubrication
Lubricant can reduce friction and make sex more comfortable. Water-based options are versatile; check product compatibility with condoms and toys. Pain isn’t something you should have to endure.
Take sexual health seriously
Find a contraception method that suits you, use condoms where appropriate and arrange STI testing according to your circumstances. Many STIs have no obvious symptoms.
Manage stress before expecting desire to appear
Try breathing exercises, a warm shower, a walk or a few minutes away from your phone. Relaxation can help, particularly when stress is getting in the way of arousal.
Challenge body-image anxiety
If you’re worrying about how your stomach looks or whether you’re making the right noises, bring your attention back to what you feel and enjoy. You deserve to be present rather than performing.
Stop measuring your sex life against everyone else’s
There is no universal ideal number of sexual encounters, partners or orgasms. What works for you is more important than keeping up with other people’s stories.
Learn to say no without guilt
You can decline sex, change your mind or stop an activity at any point. You never owe anyone access to your body, regardless of your relationship status.
Make consent an ongoing conversation
Enthusiastic, freely given consent matters throughout an encounter. Check in, pay attention to verbal and non-verbal communication, and never treat silence as automatic agreement.
Allow yourself to enjoy being single
Solo pleasure, learning about your preferences and setting your own boundaries can be valuable whether or not you have a partner. Your sexuality doesn’t need a relationship to exist.
Choose partners who respect your needs
A good sexual connection involves mutual consideration, honest communication and respect for boundaries. Chemistry alone cannot compensate for pressure or disrespect.
Redefine what good sex means to you
It might mean feeling emotionally connected, laughing together, experiencing an orgasm, exploring a fantasy, or simply feeling safe and satisfied. Your definition can evolve over time.
Keep being curious
Read, ask questions and stay open to discovering new preferences. You don’t need to label yourself or have everything figured out to explore your sexuality thoughtfully.
Make pleasure a priority, not a performance
Focus on connection, comfort, curiosity and mutual enjoyment rather than trying to be the perfect lover. If something hurts, feels wrong or stops being enjoyable, pause and communicate.
Written by VavaViolet Magazine’s Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman
No comments
Post a Comment