Do you feel like your girlfriend, fling or friends with benefits is not opening up to you in the bedroom? Perhaps you can tell she wants to, but doesn’t know how? Here’s how to get a woman to open up to you with four easy-to-follow steps.
From leading with vulnerability to simply asking her what she wants, here’s what our sex expert Sophie Blackman recommends.
1. Lead with vulnerability
One of the easiest ways to build comfort and trust is to be vulnerable first. Talk openly about your own insecurities, fantasies, or the things that make you feel a little shy or nervous in bed.
Showing that you have your own worries can help her realise she isn’t alone in feeling self-conscious.
When you’re willing to open up, it can encourage her to share what’s on her mind too.
Vulnerability works both ways—the more honest and comfortable you are, the easier it can become for her to let her guard down and express her own thoughts and feelings.
2. Ask her what she wants
One of the simplest ways to help someone feel more comfortable opening up in bed is to ask what they enjoy and what they’d like from you.
If she’s naturally shy, putting her on the spot with a direct question might make her retreat, so keep it casual and inviting rather than making her feel as though she has to give an answer.
3. Use the 90:10 rule
The 90:10 rule is all about making the first move while leaving your partner the space to meet you halfway. It can be a useful approach for different moments of intimacy, especially if your partner is naturally shy or hesitant to take the lead.
For example, when going in for a kiss, move most of the way towards them and then pause, allowing them to close the remaining distance. The same principle can work with other intimate moments: initiate, then give your partner the space to respond and decide how they want to continue.
It creates a balance between taking the pressure off and giving your partner the confidence to become more actively involved.
4. Introduce light humour
A bit of light humour can go a long way in easing tension. Crack a small joke or share a light-hearted comment to help her relax. But be sure to keep it appropriate and sensitive to the situation.
A good laugh not only breaks the ice but also releases endorphins, making both of you feel more at ease. Just remember that the goal here is to create a lighter atmosphere, not to trivialise her feelings or the situation.
Written by VavaViolet Magazine’s Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman
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