“My partner tracks my location—and says it’s about safety”

Sophie Blackman, our Editor-in-Chief, is answering another dating dilemma for her column, Dating Dilemmas with Soph. This week, she is answering whether it is healthy in a relationship to share your location or not.

One VavaViolet Magazine reader asked Sophie: “My partner tracks my location—and says it’s about safety.

“It started as care, but now it feels like surveillance. Am I overreacting?”

Sophie answered:

You’re not overreacting.

There’s a big difference between sharing your location because it makes both partners feel safer and feeling like you’re expected to be constantly trackable.

Location sharing can be perfectly healthy when it’s mutual, voluntary and easy to switch off.

The problem is what happens when it becomes an expectation—or when your partner uses it to monitor where you are, question your movements or make you feel guilty for turning it off.

A few questions that are worth asking yourself:

• Did you genuinely agree to this, or did it gradually become the default?
• Can you turn your location off without your partner becoming angry, suspicious or punishing you?
• Do they ask questions about places you’ve been that make you feel monitored?
• Are they checking your location repeatedly throughout the day?
• Is the tracking mutual, or does only one of you have access?
• Do you feel safer because of it—or do you feel watched?

The intention matters, but impact matters too. Your partner may sincerely believe they're doing it out of concern, even as the arrangement still makes you uncomfortable.

Try setting a boundary rather than arguing about whether their motivation is “safety.” You could say: “I understand that knowing where I am makes you feel reassured, but constant location sharing is making me feel monitored. I want us to find a way of feeling safe that doesn't involve me being trackable all the time.”

Their response will tell you a lot. A partner who respects the boundary might be disappointed but should ultimately be able to discuss alternatives.

Anger, guilt-tripping, threats, accusations or insisting that you have nothing to hide are reasons to take the situation more seriously.

You don't need to prove that your partner is controlling before you're allowed to want privacy.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean giving up your right to move through the world without being watched.

By VavaViolet Magazine's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman