Call me a “spoiled brat” all you want, but despite my future husband literally paying someone to find me, I’m just not ready to meet him. Ideally, he’s the type who is too busy to find love, but wants something worth investing in. He’s hired a dating coach; I just haven’t signed up yet.
When I’m ready, I’ve always known I’ll hire a dating coach to help me find someone on their database who aligns with me.
One of my dearest friends, who writes a column for VavaViolet Magazine, James Preece, is a dating coach, so once I’ve passed thirty years old, I’ll send him a message saying, “I’m ready, sign me up.”
However, I want to spend my remaining months as a twenty-something doing whatever I want without any consequences.
As I wrote about last Sunday, I’ve slept with 50 people - and plan on sleeping with 50 more, I have a lot on my to-do list before I sign up for a life with Mr Right.
Some may be wondering why I refuse to use dating apps in this day and age, and it’s because I don’t want to be seen as a commodity.
With a dating coach, it feels more personalised and tailored to you, whereas on apps, you could literally match with anyone and have nothing in common and no alignment.
A dating coach sorts through all of that for you and gives you the best tips in the business to find your lover.
Here are the main benefits of hiring a dating coach:
1. Objective, honest feedback
Friends tend to sugarcoat things or reinforce your existing views. A dating coach gives blunt, constructive insight into patterns you might not notice—like how you communicate, who you choose, or how you present yourself.
Friends tend to sugarcoat things or reinforce your existing views. A dating coach gives blunt, constructive insight into patterns you might not notice—like how you communicate, who you choose, or how you present yourself.
2. Breaking unhelpful patterns
If you keep ending up in the same kind of relationship (or no relationship at all), a coach can help identify recurring behaviours and beliefs that are holding you back—and suggest practical ways to change them.
If you keep ending up in the same kind of relationship (or no relationship at all), a coach can help identify recurring behaviours and beliefs that are holding you back—and suggest practical ways to change them.
3. Improved communication skills
Many people struggle with expressing interest, setting boundaries, or reading signals. A coach can help you practice:
Many people struggle with expressing interest, setting boundaries, or reading signals. A coach can help you practice:
- starting conversations
- maintaining engaging dialogue
- handling rejection without spiralling
4. More confidence (based on action, not hype)
Confidence isn’t just a mindset—it’s experience. Coaches often give you specific exercises (e.g., approaching people, refining your profile, going on more dates), which build real-world confidence over time.
Confidence isn’t just a mindset—it’s experience. Coaches often give you specific exercises (e.g., approaching people, refining your profile, going on more dates), which build real-world confidence over time.
5. Better online dating strategy
If you’re using apps, a coach can help optimise:
If you’re using apps, a coach can help optimise:
- your profile photos and bio
- messaging approach
- how to move from chat to actual dates
This can make a noticeable difference if you’ve been stuck getting few matches or conversations.
6. Accountability and momentum
It’s easy to procrastinate or overthink dating. Having someone check in on your progress pushes you to actually take action instead of just thinking about it.
It’s easy to procrastinate or overthink dating. Having someone check in on your progress pushes you to actually take action instead of just thinking about it.
7. Tailored advice (instead of generic tips)
Most dating advice online is broad and sometimes contradictory. A coach adapts guidance to your personality, goals, and circumstances—whether you're introverted, busy, newly single, etc.
Most dating advice online is broad and sometimes contradictory. A coach adapts guidance to your personality, goals, and circumstances—whether you're introverted, busy, newly single, etc.
Call me lazy if you want, but I prefer seeing the choice of a dating coach as an investment - it saves your time and is worth the money it costs if it brings you someone who makes you endlessly happy.
You could also call me spoiled, and you’d be correct. My father still doesn’t say no to me to this day, and actually enjoys being a provider, so from him I’ve learned not to accept the bare minimum.
Regardless, my future husband will just have to wait.
Written by VavaViolet Magazine’s Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman
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