According to a study undertaken by We-Consent and the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, 1 in 5 men agreed that asking for consent has the potential to ruin the mood. Consent is an important part of every sexual interaction because it helps to build emotional security between you and your partner.
It’s time to change the narrative and find ways to make consent sexy again. Read on to find out how to talk about consent without killing the vibe.
Questions on Sexual Responsibility
These tend to be viewed as the bedroom-killer questions, so it’s probably best to get them out of the way sooner rather than later. If you’re feeling awkward about it, I assure you that an unexpected pregnancy or STI will be considerably more painful than the thirty seconds it takes to ask the following common questions you should be asking before having sex with a new partner, such as:
“Do you have a condom?”
“Are you on birth control?”
When was the last time you were tested for STIs?
Yes and No Questions - According to sexologist Jennifer Litner, once things become more heated, you may find it is easier to answer simple yes and no questions about what you would like to do. Here are some flirty examples:
Do you want to get undressed?
Do you like where my hands are touching you?
Would it feel good if I moved them to ____?
Do you like being teased?
Should I slow things down?
Bold and Flirty Questions - As things become increasingly intimate, you might begin to ask more direct questions such as:
What would you like to do with me?
Can you touch me here?
Are you feeling horny?
Can I give you a massage?
Examples of Non-verbal Consent
This is more likely to apply to couples in long-term relationships, but if you do find it disruptive to give your consent verbally, why not try these physical methods of establishing consent with your partner?
Kissing - Lady and the Tramp sets the bar as far as examples go on this one. Don’t pretend you don’t know exactly what scene I’m talking about. Normally, if someone wants to kiss you, they will make deliberate eye contact and make excuses to initiate physical touch. However, if you’re unsure, you can either directly ask them for a kiss or gradually lean towards them, giving the other person the choice whether to meet you in the middle or not.
Physical gestures - It’s possible to give consent by nodding in agreement or slowly placing a partner’s hand on a part of the body, leaving them enough time to move their hand away if they do not wish to proceed. Why not turn it into a bit of a game, blink once for yes, and twice for no!
What do you think about giving consent in the moment? Turn off or turn on?
Written by Leah Marie Cox
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