Do you have a friend who's the love of your life? I’m not asking if you’ve secretly been Mr D’Arcy-level pining for them the entire time, but in a more platonic sense, they’re the Ant to your Dec; you absolutely could not live without them and see them being in your future forever, just not in a romantic capacity. If so, maybe you’re in a queerplatonic relationship…
A queerplatonic relationship is a friendship, affinity, or great love for another person without the sexual or romantic aspects of a traditional relationship. This has historically been queercoded due to frequent instances of Queer people being rejected by their biological families for their sexuality, and until the introduction of surrogacy and IVF, the biological inability for same sex couples to have children.
However, romantic love is not the only kind of love we are capable of experiencing. Our friendships and found family can have a monumental impact on our interests, opinions, and how we feel about ourselves.
The Asexual community introduced the use of this term to create a clear distinction between aromantic love and traditional sexual relationships, namely that although there often is crossover, there doesn’t have to be.
This is not to suggest that queerplatonic relationships are in any way a new phenomenon; there are many famous duos on screen that could fall into this category: Thelma and Louise, Joey and Chandler, Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer. All soulmates, but queerplatonic.
On a personal level, I must admit I had to resist the urge to upload a picture of me and one of my long-term best friends as the entire response.
We lived together for five years, and when reading around the topic for this article, I realised that our relationship at one stage potentially could have fallen into this category.
Although not sexual or romantic, it is a profound love based on experiencing our university years together and ultimately, chosen family.
They are a best friend, sister, life partner (and at times when I’ve needed it, a mother) all rolled into one. In the distant future, I hope to see us in a retirement home together, or maybe we’ll actually finally finance that sustainable women’s commune in the Alps- who knows…
I know I’m not the only woman who has a meaningful connection like this, and they should be appreciated in addition to familial and romantic love, rather than seen as a threat to it. The world can be filled with so much anger and negativity; it’s important to appreciate queerplatonic relationships for celebrating love in all its forms.
Written by Leah Marie Cox
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