This four week challenge will deepen emotional intimacy in your relationship

Feel like you and your partner have accidentally become flatmates? This four-week relationship challenge could help you find your way back to each other.

There comes a point in almost every long-term relationship when the butterflies are replaced by conversations about whose turn it is to buy toilet roll.

You still love each other. You still fancy each other. You still occasionally have sex. But somewhere between work, washing, Netflix and replying "lol" to each other's messages, you realise you've stopped connecting.

And no, booking an £800 couples retreat isn't necessarily the answer.

Emotional intimacy is about feeling understood, listened to, appreciated and safe enough to actually be yourself around another person. It isn't necessarily sexy — although feeling emotionally connected can certainly have benefits for your sex life too.

So, if your relationship has started feeling a little more domestic partnership than romantic obsession, try this four-week reset.

No matching pyjamas required.

WEEK ONE: SAY THE NICE THINGS OUT LOUD

When was the last time you actually told your partner what you like about them?

Not "thanks for putting the bins out".

We're talking proper appreciation.

Long-term couples can become dangerously good at noticing what their partner isn't doing while completely overlooking everything they are doing.

This week, make a point of saying something genuinely nice every day.

Tell them you love their laugh. Thank them for making you feel safe. Tell them they're ridiculously good at something. Compliment their appearance. Remind them about something they did that made you happy.

And don't make it sound like you're reading from a relationship workbook.

A simple:

"I really love the way you make me laugh."

can be more powerful than an elaborate declaration.

Your challenge

Give your partner one sincere compliment or expression of appreciation every day for seven days.

And here's the important bit: don't use the same compliment seven times.

We're trying to reconnect, not train a Labrador.

WEEK TWO: STOP SAYING "FINE"

"How was your day?"

"Fine."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Congratulations. You've just had the emotional equivalent of customer service hold music.

This week is about getting a little more vulnerable.

Instead of giving your partner the edited version of your day, tell them what actually happened.

What annoyed you?

What made you laugh?

What are you worried about?

What are you excited about?

What have you been overthinking?

You don't have to suddenly reveal every childhood trauma you've ever experienced. Emotional intimacy isn't about forcing yourself to overshare.

It's about allowing someone to see what's actually going on inside your head.

Try these questions

• What's something you've been thinking about a lot lately?
• What's been stressing you out recently?
• What's something you're looking forward to?
• Is there anything you've been scared to tell me?
• What makes you feel most loved by me?
• What's something you wish we did more often?
• What's one thing you want us to experience together?

Put your phones away. Sit somewhere comfortable. And actually listen to the answer.

Don't immediately start planning your response.

Sometimes the sexiest thing you can do is shut up and pay attention.

WEEK THREE: CREATE A "US" THING

Relationships need rituals.

Not necessarily grand romantic gestures. Little things that belong specifically to the two of you.

Maybe you always get coffee together on Saturday morning.

Maybe you send each other ridiculous memes during work.

Maybe Sunday night is takeaway night.

Maybe you have a particular song you always dance to in the kitchen.

These tiny traditions create a sense of us.

And if your relationship currently consists of waking up, going to work, scrolling separately and falling asleep beside each other, it's probably time to introduce a few.

Your challenge

Create three new rituals:

One daily:
A ten-minute phone-free chat before bed.

One weekly:
A proper date, walk, takeaway night or activity where you're actually present with each other.

One monthly:
Something you wouldn't normally do — a new restaurant, day trip, class, exhibition, hike or completely ridiculous adventure.

The point isn't to manufacture a perfect relationship.

It's to create moments you'll actually remember.

WEEK FOUR: DO SOMETHING YOU'VE NEVER DONE TOGETHER

Routine is comfortable.

Unfortunately, comfortable can eventually become completely predictable.

You don't need to spontaneously fly to Paris at midnight to fix this.

Novelty can be tiny.

Try a restaurant you've never been to.

Cook something neither of you has made before.

Go somewhere in your city you've never visited.

Take turns planning secret dates.

Learn something together.

Dress up for dinner at home.

Have a phone-free evening.

Or, if you're feeling particularly brave, talk about a sexual fantasy you've never discussed before.

The objective isn't to shock your partner.

It's to remember that there's still more to discover about each other.

Your challenge

Each of you has to suggest one thing you've never done together.

Then actually do one of them.

Yes, even if your first idea is terrible.

Especially if your first idea is terrible.

THE BONUS CHALLENGE: BRING BACK THE FLIRTING

You know what couples don't always do enough of?

Flirt.

Somewhere along the way, "you look hot" becomes "have you seen my charger?"

Bring back the ridiculous little things.

Send a suggestive text.

Kiss for longer than necessary.

Touch their leg when you're sitting together.

Compliment them when they're getting ready.

Send them a message when they're in the next room purely because you can.

Remind each other that you're not just two people sharing a mortgage, chores and a Netflix account.

You're lovers.

AFTER FOUR WEEKS, ASK YOURSELF THIS

Don't measure the success of the challenge by whether you're suddenly obsessed with each other again.

Instead, ask:

Do I feel more seen by my partner?

Do I know more about what's happening in their world?

Do we actually spend quality time together?

Do I feel comfortable telling them what I need?

Are we still curious about each other?

Because that's the thing about emotional intimacy.

It's not one enormous romantic gesture.

It's hundreds of tiny moments where you choose to notice each other.

And honestly? That's considerably more romantic than flowers once a year.

The VavaViolet verdict

You don't need to reinvent your entire relationship in four weeks.

You just need to stop treating the person you love like someone you've already finished getting to know.

Because even after years together, there's probably still a version of them you haven't met yet.

And that might be the most exciting part.

By VavaViolet Magazine's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman