Unpacking sexual double standards - and how to end them

Is anything safe from the court of public opinion? From crying to clothing, the traditional gender roles inhabited by men and women are rife with double standards, including the sanctum of our intimate sex lives. We set different social standards for men and women, and this has caused male and female sexuality to be perceived in vastly different ways.

Here are five common sexual double standards, and what you can do to combat them.

Underage sex - The absorption of cultural expectations starts in childhood; young girls are blamed and shamed for having underage sex; they don’t get the free pass offered to “boys will be boys” who have needs. 

By introducing sex education across the UK, attitudes have already started to change towards underage sex across both genders, as indicated by the 70% reduction in teenage pregnancy rates. 

Is this because the younger generation doesn’t want to have sex, or are they just self-aware of the potential consequences of their actions?

Sex before marriage 

Stemming from a thankfully bygone era where sexuality was stigmatised, and purity was paramount, it is difficult to challenge the long-held belief that women should not have sex before marriage, as various religions still uphold this belief today. 

Pre-marital sex remains illegal in 10 countries for both men and women, but in the UK, our cultural perceptions towards unmarried couples have not been as slow to shift; according to a 2023 survey, 65% now believe sex before marriage is “not wrong at all.”

What’s your number? - How many of us have found ourselves on the receiving end of this question?  Women tend to be perceived negatively for having a high body count, whereas men have been applauded for it. 

As there really isn’t a way to answer this without presumptions being cast on your sexual preferences, I think the solution is quite obvious - don’t! Opt out; this is nobody's business but yours unless you want it to be.

Contraception 

It does not surprise us that only 56% of men report regularly using condoms. From complaints about the reduction in pleasure to the ever-popular, “I’m too big to wear one” (Spoiler: He’s not), we really have heard it all when it comes to excuses for wanting to ride bareback. 

Yet, should this result in an unwanted pregnancy or STI, the responsibility of that is likely to fall on the woman. 

The long-term goal is for contraception to be considered a personal responsibility for anyone thinking about having sex, rather than something optional.

Communication and Consent 

As we discovered in a recent article about consent, a lot of men don’t typically find it sexy when it has to be verbally given. However, this is something that helps people of all genders feel safe in sexual scenarios, and clear boundaries should always be communicated. 

Removing the idea that men always have to be the ones to take charge gives women the opportunity to step into their own sexual power.

Have you ever personally experienced any of these double standards? Which do you find most infuriating?

Written by Leah Marie Cox