Currently, I am three chapters into my erotic novel Free Use, and it is turning me into the biggest whore - again.
Revisiting memories of my unrivalled sexual past has got me wanting to return to my old ways. Hooking up with whoever I want, sexting multiple men at once, and masturbating as much as I can during the day.
If you didn’t know, I suffered from psychosis over a year ago and have been in recovery ever since. My antipsychotics stole my sex drive until I started writing Free Use.
It was when writing the chapter about my late teens/early twenties that I realised how much I miss being a “slut”.
Back then, I was having sex at least once a day with one of many friends with benefits, and exploring my sexuality in any way I could.
From roleplaying to testing out new toys, there was always excitement.
I remember one time in particular, a friend with benefits suggested we roleplay a kidnapping, where he would pull up, drag me in his car, and have his wicked way with me.
It was a Sunday night, and I dressed as if I were going for a jog. We planned on meeting down by the lakes where he could easily kidnap me in private without anyone mistaking it for the real deal.
Jogging down the road, with my earphones in, I didn’t hear him pull up next to me.
The next thing I knew, he was throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to the car. Locking me in the back of the vehicle, he quickly got in and drove to an empty car park.
Before he took off, he tied my arms together and shoved a piece of fabric in my mouth to shut me up.
When we pulled up to the car park, without hesitation, he got out and jumped in the back with me, locking the car after he got in so I couldn’t escape.
Still tied up, he began fondling my breasts before ripping my T-shirt to expose my bra. Lifting up my bra, he fondled some more as he sucked on my nipples.
Acting as if I hated it, I squirmed and tried to get out of the ties, but I couldn’t. It was hopeless; I was trapped.
Leaving my ripped shirt hanging open and my bra exposing my boobs, he moved his hand down my short shorts and began fondling my pussy.
Making it wetter and wetter, he slid a finger in, then another and pounded me hard. I couldn’t help but whimper as it’s all I could manage with the gag in.
He forced me to orgasm over and over again with his fingers, edging me as he played. Until he had had enough, and ordered me to get into doggy.
Doing as I was told, I leaned down in downward dog and arched my arse up into the air. He spat on his cock before entering me. He entered slowly, forcing my pussy to open up for him.
Fucking me hard and fast, he placed his hands around my throat as once again I was left whimpering with the gag still in.
After a few minutes of destroying my pussy, he grabbed me by the hair, unlocked the car, and dragged me out of the vehicle towards the bonnet.
Bending me over the front of the car, he once again entered me with force and fucked me as hard as he possibly could.
It was one of the most riveting sexual experiences of my life, and one I still get myself off to to this day.
Written by VavaViolet Magazine’s Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman.
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