Every relationship starts with an overload of attention, good morning messages and soppy declarations for one another.
That will at best last around four months, then the inevitable happens, the closer you get, the more distant they become.
You need more, and they give less. And you begin to wonder, "Why do I KEEP attracting emotionally unavailable people?"
The truth is, you attract emotionally unavailable people because you are unavailable to yourself.
Every person you meet is reflecting back to you the lack of connection you have with your own self.
The more you chase them, the more you are abandoning yourself in the process. You may even start to question if you are "too much" for anyone and why you can’t get anyone to "meet your needs".
This is not the truth, and deep down, you know this too, but here you are, stuck in an endless cycle of disappointment and unfulfillment.
This is happening because at a young age or at some point throughout your time on this Earth, you learned that love wasn’t safe. Love could never prove itself enough. Love was something to be earned. Until we understand how to make ourselves available, nobody will ever be enough.
This is where inner child healing comes in if you struggle with love due to parents or your own negative romantic experiences while young.
We must relearn to reconnect with ourselves and our needs so that we can learn to take care of ourselves. Know that we can rescue ourselves. We can give ourselves the affection and affirmation we are looking for in others. And as a result, we can begin to attract partners who love and support us, but do not compensate for our lack of self.
How can you expect anyone to unconditionally love you if you don’t unconditionally love yourself? I know you’ve probably read that a million times on Tumblr posts, but now you’re thinking, "How do I stop this pattern?!?"
Here's how...
1. Spend time on your own. Listen to yourself. What do YOU need? What do YOU want? What is important to YOU? Your inner child will know the answers.
2. Take responsibility. Everything in your life you have attracted in some form. But with this, how can you forgive your inner child? How can you give yourself self-compassion?
3. Understand what your inner child deserves. Does that little girl/boy deserve love? Does she deserve to be held? Does she deserve to be seen/heard? The truth is yes.
4. Practice tending to your needs every day. What can I give myself today?
Written by VavaViolet's Life Coach Columnist, Jadie White.
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