If you are out there trying to make your former lover jealous, enraged, or upset, it's sick and, in complete honesty, it is evil. No matter how bad they may have wronged you, it does not make it right.
That door is closed. Move on. Go and find better, stop returning to your past and causing a storm for no real reason other than an injured ego.
Harsh but true. You deserve better instead of letting people who have hurt you affect your whole life as you seek pitiful revenge.
If you find yourself on the other end of the scale and have a crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend gunning for you, please remember it is not your fault they are a monster.
Appallingly, many decide that choosing the path of being toxic following a split is the new 'cute'. It's not. You know what is cute, someone who considers others' feelings.
For whatever reason, it may be that you now have a toxic ex disturbing your peace, but it really is not your fault. That is who that person is.
Perhaps one of the harshest life lessons you can ever be taught - and we hope it never happens to you - is discovering that sometimes the ones we adore the most turn out to be the most terrifying nightmares of all.
To any of our readers who have fallen for these mother fuckers' wicked charm, you are not a mindreader. You are not a psychic. You are not a psychologist.
You were someone who saw the best in one of Earth's most deadly monsters, the manipulator.
So if you find yourself cowering from an ex or a partner you wish to leave, here's how to deal with them calmly, cautiously and legally.
We hope you never have to use the following advice.
If you are a victim, please remember there is no excuse for abuse.
There is no reason for another human being to lay their hand on you violently or use their words to withdraw you from your soul and being by beating you down emotionally.
None of the horror going on is your fault; you deserve freedom, and you're going to get it.
Here's what you can do...
Gather as much evidence as you can of this person carrying out their abusive behaviours.
Avoid putting yourself in harm's way to get it if it is too risky. Only do so if you feel safe and know you won't get caught, especially if the person is particularly evil or violent, or if you predict they could be.
Keep print screens, record your phone calls and keep backups of everything in different places. It sounds awfully dramatic and frightening, but people have died after toxic partners have got their claws too far in.
Women and men die every single day at the hands of a partner or loved one.
So fuck it, keep a memory card at yours, one at a loved one you trust, and take your abuser the fuck down legally with everything you've got and with as much evidence as you can possibly gather.
There are charities and organisations linked below that will help you do this.
The police can also work with you privately and secretly to gather evidence.
Evidence is key, especially if you have kids/are married, and can predict a looming court battle, or you want a restraining order, etc.
You need to prove to the court that this person's malicious intentions make you unsafe and that the law must intervene to ensure your safety.
If you have a friend in an abusive relationship, we recommend you gather evidence as well and be kind to them if they keep going back. It's harder than you can ever imagine.
And do not ever delete your evidence. Take it to the grave with you. This kind of person has a habit of coming back or doubting others' potential, so keep your ammo close.
In the UK, we recommend reaching out to Call Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline if you feel trapped or want advice on how to save a loved one.
They provide free and confidential advice, 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.
Visit the helpline website to access further information, a contact form and the live chat service. If you are in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police.
We send you all of our strength if you find yourself here right now. There is light, please make that call somewhere safe when you're alone, please for your sake.
To be brutally and perhaps a tad cold, the best way to deal with an ex who has cheated on you or carried out a full-blown affair is to leave them in the past.
They cheated on you because they were being frightfully selfish at your expense, and you deserve somebody better and who is more suited for you.
Don't let their shabby ego, moronic morals and disgusting portrayal affect your outlook on love.
It wasn't love which hurt you; it was somebody who didn't know how to love you, not love itself.
Therefore, the solution to the problem of dealing with them is to try your absolute hardest to move on from the situation gracefully.
This means not throwing hate their way, choosing not to be bitter and moving on with your life away from them.
Talk to yourself in the mirror every day if you have to, and remind yourself of all the reasons why you cannot go back. Reacting appallingly towards the situation and them will only degrade you.
It will be an emotional time, so the wisest thing to do is remove them from social media and from your phone.
It doesn't have to be forever, just until you have healed in peace.
Perhaps you have a former flame who keeps coming back to try to make you jealous and manipulate you.
It happens, odd characters. It's a very bizarre hobby to choose to partake in during your spare time.
There is no point dealing with these individuals; as previously mentioned, it's wise to walk away without engaging with their toxic behaviour.
You do not need to go there.
Start by ignoring everything they say and do, and block them out in real life and online.
Don't let them trick you into correcting them and getting emotional, as they want this to happen and for you to explode as they wish to seek out your weaknesses and use them against you.
But simply, the best strategy with these types of exes is to completely and utterly ban them from being in your little world. They are not friends to be had.
They do not deserve to be in your future, even as pals.
To end this article on a good note, let's address how to keep the peace with an ex with whom you are keen to maintain a friendship, or to regain it one day, once you have both fully healed.
This should be normalised. Oddly, we have a general mindset that exes are all toxic and should be left behind.
Perhaps it's you, sadly, just dating the wrong people continuously, or this once. Not everyone you shall meet is a dick head.
There is nothing wrong with remaining friends with an ex. It's actually rather lovely, as sometimes, just sometimes, relationships break down, but that doesn't mean your respect and love for that person has to become toxic.
For some exes, if you genuinely care for one another and it tragically hasn't worked out romantically, then communicate with one another - and your future partners - and be adults.
Especially the case if you find yourself in the same friendship group, which is quite common these days.
Respect one another and remember that you once loved one another. Although it may have died, you can still keep it classy and have the occasional joke.
Everybody has an ex. It doesn't always mean there is a horrible story behind why they went their separate ways.
It's actually how it should be.
How do you keep things amicable with an ex? You communicate, give each other plenty of space, and you set boundaries. And, of course, do not, under any circumstances, sleep together!
All you need is a brief conversation about your current situation and what you're comfortable with. Then you leave it alone.
If you're meant to be friends instead, you will be. You will bump into them out and it will be a happy occasion in a way because while this person isn't part of your life or future anymore, you still wish each other the absolute best.
And what's a better outcome than that?
Written by VavaViolet's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman.
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