A threesome has always been on my bucket list. I knew before I died I wanted to try one out, and well, I’ve ticked that box over and over again and can be buried happily now.
They can be a crowd, but if done right, there is plenty to go around for all.
I felt awkward as f*ck during my first threesome. I didn’t have a Scooby Doo what I was doing, I felt like a virgin all over again. There was a bit of alcohol involved, it wasn’t planned, and it just kind of happened. Looking back, that was probably the best way for it to happen.
During my second threesome, I knew what I was doing and felt like I was in a porn film - another tick off the old bucket list.
You may be wondering, ‘Why on earth would you share this with the internet?’ Well, I’ll tell you why. I created VavaViolet because I wanted a place where women can let their hair down and just be themselves. I wanted somewhere online where we didn’t have to worry about being slut shamed, we could have a giggle, share advice and stories, so that’s what I’m doing.
Anyway, back to my juicy story.
The first time didn’t go down as I had planned in my head. I imagined I’d be looking sexy as f*ck, complete in lingerie, hair curled, makeup flawless, but no, I looked like a lion on crack. My group of friends and I were playing a game where if you got the question wrong, you had to take off an item of clothing and take a swig of your drink. I don't have to spell it out to you; you know how the game ended.
The second time around, about half a year later, happened once again on a drunken night out. It started off as just me and a guy, and well, a third person joined in. It happened naturally, and it wasn't planned again. The best things that happen are spontaneous, right?
The most common thing I get asked is, ‘Isn't three a crowd?’ It easily can be, but sometimes the more the merrier couldn't be more accurate. These are my tips to have a successful threesome that won't hurt anyone's feelings, leave anybody out, or put you in an uncomfortable/dangerous position.
Don’t do it with someone you have feelings for. Even if you only have a tiny amount of feelings for them, seeing someone you like getting their back door slammed by someone else isn’t ideal. But to be honest, I wouldn't know that. I've never had a threesome with someone that I love. My only advice is that sometimes you don't realise how much you love someone until you see them with somebody else.
Don’t have one just to impress a potential partner, a boyfriend, or a crush, or to please their needs. Only have a threesome if you actually want to have one.
Don’t do it with two strangers for your first time. The first threesome you have, you will most likely already feel nervous, so doing it with two complete strangers who don’t know you will make you feel even more uncomfortable. I recommend doing it with acquaintances or even your friends. As long as you know it won't affect your friendship, which for me luckily hasn't changed my friendships whatsoever. But you want to feel safe; I really can't stress this enough. Especially if you're having a threesome with two guys, you need to know their intentions.
Don’t consume so much alcohol that you can't remember your name. Like all sex acts, consent is the most critical factor, and if you're so pissed that you can't even function, you're no longer giving consent. There is nothing wrong with having a drink or two (or whatever your limit is) so you can have more confidence, but be sensible.
Being spontaneous is sexy and all, but you need to all be on the same page, you need to have the ‘threesome talk’. Who likes what, declare the fact you hate your arse being fingered, you know, make it clear the sexual things you despise and love. It will be much more enjoyable if you do.
Do research. Watch porn, threesomes in films, read about them; however, you feel most comfortable doing your homework. For me personally, I watched porn to gather some ‘ideas and inspiration’. I wanted to see what positions were best, as well as what I could do to please a woman or two people at once. It made me feel really confident when it came to doing it in the flesh because I just went with what I had learned from James Deen. The last thing you want to happen is to stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to do.
Toys aren't just for kids. Keep sex toys nearby, they help to keep everyone engaged and eliminate that third-wheeler feeling bored.
Finding a third person can be like finding a needle in a haystack. If you're having a planned threesome, it does take time to find a third person. Would I recommend Tinder? Hell no. Just ask your friends, that's what I do.
Do be prepared. Mints, Fem Fresh spray, the kitchen sink, have it all there for when you've done the deed.
Have a safe word, and think of an excuse beforehand for a reason you have to leave if it goes tits up or you just want to get out of that situation. For example, because I'd had a few drinks the first time, I thought to myself beforehand, ‘If I want to leave the threesome because I'm not enjoying it or feel awkward, I’ll tell them I'm about to be sick and run to the bathroom’. I'd been drinking, so it was plausible, but it's best to prepare a lie so you can get out of that situation if you want to. A safe word is also wise, something random like ‘cola’ that you all know to shout if somebody wants to stop.
Written by VavaViolet's Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Sophie Blackman.